the battle for baby

Lewis and I are happy to announce that June 2012 will change our lives forever. A little one will be joining our family and we couldn't be more thrilled!

with the 7 week ultrasound picture

Here's a little taste of our story (it's kind of long - sorry. Only the brave and few will conquer):

When I was 12 years old, I was diagnosed with poly-cystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). For those that don't know, people with PCOS have high levels of estrogen and testosterone, and low levels of insulin (along with other wonderful problems). My hormones were all out of whack, so I was immediately put on birth control to manage the hormones. When Lewis and I were talking about getting married, it scared us that it might take us a long time to get pregnant; it is harder to conceive when you have PCOS because the high levels of estrogen work against each other and the high levels of testosterone just get in the way. It took my mom 8 years to finally conceive (7 of those years were spent with infertility specialists). I figured with half my mom's genes and half my dad's, it might only take us 4 years.

So we started trying early.

I went off birth control in January. I had doctor appointments every other month. The months in between, I was having blood tests so that the doctors could keep an eye on my hormone levels. I was put on medication after medication to try to help keep my hormones under control. Along with the very irregular hormone levels, PCOS also causes very irregular cycles; some cycles were 14 days long, others were 36 so I never knew if I was missing a period. The doctor had me tracking my cycles and my ovulation. I had calendars laying all around the house with little markings on them so I could show it to the doctor.

I felt like people all around me were getting pregnant, some without even trying, and it just wasn't happening to me. I was happy for them and their happiness, but it seemed to make it harder. Tears were a weekly (if not daily) part of life now.

From January through October, I missed three periods. Naturally, I went out and bought pregnancy tests. Always to get my hopes up. Always to be disappointed. I did the tests without Lewis around so that I could surprise him if they came up positive. They never did. And they always left me alone and in tears.

In August, I had an ultrasound so that I could physically see what was wrong with me. When my doctor received the results of the ultrasound, she called me and told me that there was nothing else she could do. I needed to make an appointment with the infertility specialist.

So I did. And I cried some more. But Lewis was by my side the whole time. I thought that I was the only one who was struggling with getting pregnant. No one talks about their struggle, just the news when they finally conceive.

A month before our infertility appointment, I made it to day 38 of my cycle. Once again, I thought I had missed another period. Not wanting to be left to cry on my own this time, I did a pregnancy test with Lewis in the next room. On the back of the pregnancy test box, the directions say to "wait 2 minutes to read the results" and "not to read the results after 10 minutes."

So Lewis set the timer on his phone. I went and did the test and immediately saw a plus sign appear! My heart was pounding. I put the test on the sink and ran into the next room, begging and pleading for Lewis to come look at it with me.

"This can't be happening!" I thought.

But Lewis wouldn't move. Not until the timer reached the 2 minute mark. When it did, I dragged him into the bathroom and showed him the happy proof.

He didn't believe it was possible. Neither of us did. The doctors told us we needed treatment and now the impossible was happening. We had only tried for 9 months. A very emotional 9 months it had been. But how could this be happening when the doctors told me they couldn't help me anymore.

I kept thinking: maybe I bought a dud. Maybe it's not actually telling us the truth. And Lewis wouldn't believe it until I got results from the doctor. To prove him wrong, I did another test in the morning. Positive again! He still didn't believe.

So I went to the doctor. Peed in a cup (instead of on a stick) and had them run the test. I sat there so nervously in the waiting room, ready for the nurse to tell me that I wasn't pregnant. This whole thing was so surreal. But guess what it showed.

Positive! And they gave me a little piece of paper with the proof.

Lewis didn't know that I had been able to make it to the doctor during my lunch break. I told him my doctor was out of town (I wanted part of this experience to be a surprise for him). So that night after work, I bought some cookies and decorated them with what I wanted to say, putting one letter on each cookie. On one of the cookies, I pinned the paper proof from the doctor. I mixed up the cookies, put them in front of him, and told him to figure out what they said.

He looked at me, smiled, and turned off Sports Center (shocking, I know. Now I know what to do when I want his attention. Just make a baby!)

It took a little bit for him to unscramble what I was trying to say but in the end, he couldn't stop smiling and hugging me. When he saw the paper proof from the doctor's office, he kept saying, "it's real!"

the cookies ended up spelling, "its baby time, dad"

We stayed up talking for hours that night about what the little baby would bring to our family. We talked about names, everything we'd need to buy, what we were going to do about school and work. All the logistics.

We couldn't believe this was/is happening to us. What a miracle it is. And what happy parents we are. We feel spoiled that we only had to try for 9 months, when there are others all over who try for longer than that. I struggled to tell people about our pregnancy, because I didn't want my happiness to make other people sad. I know what it's like to be trying so hard, doing everything the doctor tells you to do, and still being disappointed, thinking you're the only one who's not pregnant. I know that there are people out there like me who want it, but can't have it yet. Just know there's always hope. The time will come.

We are so grateful for the Savior and His life and sacrifice for us. Without Him and our Heavenly Father, none of this would have been possible. And I'm grateful for the 9 months of "infertility" because we were able to draw closer together during those times and draw closer to our Heavenly Father and Savior. He helped us when we needed Him and made us stronger.

love his smile in this. so excited!