Motherhood

Today, I'm grateful to be a mom. Most days I'm grateful as well, but today I'm feeling especially happy about it. Even though yesterday was hard. And today might be too. And I'm willing to bet my bottom dollar that I have a few more hard days ahead of me in the next 60 or 70 years or so.

But she's just too cute that the hard days are just worth it sometimes.

Here's a quote that's gotten me through some of those hard days. Raising children is a commandment. Gods not going to let us just do it on our own. Besides, these are His children just as much as they're our own. They were His first:

This is not our work that we are engaged in, it is the work of God. We are directed in our movements by a superior intelligence. (Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Lorenzo Snow, Chapter 9: Sacred Family Relationships)

what happens in vegas

Earlier this week, we made a trip to Vegas. It was so hard. But it ended up being a wonderful experience.

Two very dear friends of ours decided to get married in the Las Vegas LDS temple this week. Lewis and I were fortunate enough to go. And we got to bring Lena. It was so hard. Lena had to forgo naps and stay up way past her bedtime so that we could celebrate with the happy couple.

We learned from our last wedding trip to California that Vegas is Lena's breaking point. And she broke. About a half hour outside the city. Good thing we were close!

We made it to our hotel and asked for a crib when we checked in (they told us twice on the phone that we didn't need to bring a crib because they had them there). Lena was so tired and so ready for a nap. Two and a half hours after checking in, we still didn't have our crib. I had called housekeeping multiple times and they kept saying, "we're trying to find a crib."

Trying to find one? Lena was tired. And grumpy. And all she wanted to do was sleep. I knew if we pushed it much longer, she would be so tired, she wouldn't be able to sleep. So I prayed and prayed and prayed.

Finally, a crib came. And we fed her and put her down to sleep. And she cried and cried and cried. We let her go for a few minutes and eventually, she did fall asleep (thank goodness!). But only for about 20 minutes. And she was sad. Screaming and crying and screaming. We knew at that point, it'd be a long night. The wedding was at 5 and the dinner wasn't until 7:30.

So we just prayed. Put her in the car and went to the wedding!

The wedding was beautiful! It's always so wonderful to be in the temple, especially for a sealing when husbands and wives are promising to be with each other for eternity. We were so happy for them.

Mr. and Mrs. Cornellison!

They've known each other for a very long time. Lewis heard about her from Jared when they were on their missions together. Anna wasn't a member of the church at that point (5 years ago). She joined the church about a year ago.

crawling around the temple while we waited for the bride and groom to emerge

Lewis knew the groom from his mission and was able to reunite with some old mission friends before, during and after the wedding. We were able to make it to the dinner at 7:30 and sit and talk with two friends who had served in Honduras with Lewis.

And Lena survived! Usually she's going to bed at 7:30, but she sure was a trooper! All we had to do was feed her the whole time. Food in her face, and she was a happy camper. Which means we were happy as well. And we gave her some apple juice and she learned how to sip through a straw! Yay toddler-hood!

Her first straw!

Her nap that afternoon was awful! So we were praying that bedtime would be OK. She went to bed easy (at 10), but then an hour later was up with just a terrified cry. It was so sad and I didn't know what was wrong. I tried singing to her, rocking her, holding her close, but nothing worked. All I could think to do was feed her again. So I made another bottle and tried to calm her down. She slept good for the rest of the night but at 6:30 am she was bright eyed and bushy tailed! Happy (thank goodness) and ready to play!

6:30 in the morning

The next day, we spent the morning on the strip. We just walked around, had breakfast in New York New York, and saw the interior of the Bellagio. I couldn't remember the casino with the painted walls and ceilings, so unfortunately, we missed that. But Lena had once again hit her limit, so we headed back to the car to start the trek home.

outside New York New York

"mom get the hat off!"

inside the Bellagio

inside New York New York.

Half way home, we stopped for lunch and to change Lena's diaper. And let's just say that the car is not the ideal place for a diaper change. The poop made it from the inside of one diaper to the outside of the other, stuck between the diaper and her onesie. Whoops! She didn't like the double diaper change, but was so happy when lunch finally made its way to the car!

Dad and Lena hanging out in the car

Yay! Lunch!

ready to eat!

When we got home, we rewarded her with her very own jamba juice. They have a children's menu now! She loved being able to suck from her own cup.

Her reaction to the cold at first

Got used to it and then wanted more

It was a good trip, but in the middle of it, we realized that as parents, we no longer take vacations. Instead, we take "survival trips."

And we survived!

the perfect weekend

This weekend was perfect. Here are a few reasons why:

• Lewis had Thursday and Friday off of work, so we took Lena to the zoo [or at least tried to take her to the zoo]. But after 2 and a half hours in the car wondering why it was taking so long to get there, we realized - it's spring break. and the only sunny day all week! So after almost 3 hours in the car (the zoo's only an hour away), we decided just to turn around. But we had come all this way! We needed to do at least something. So we went to the aquarium, found a parking spot in the first row, and took Lena inside. And boy did she love it. At least the penguins. Loved the penguins.

watching them swim around!

she doesn't look happy, but I promise she was. She never smiles for the camera

you can't really tell because the guy with the BYU hat is in the way, but she's reaching out to touch the penguins

• We went to Lewis's mission reunion for the Honduras mission and Lewis was able to see a lot of the individuals he served with. We had baleadas. Which are basically just eggs, beans, sour cream, cheese and avocado on a beautifully thick tortilla, eaten like a taco. Delicious.
• Conference was this weekend. And I was able to hear some much needed words of wisdom and guidance. Loved being reminded how to be a better wife, mother, and missionary. If you're interested in hearing what my church teaches, you can listen to the talks here, until they're printed in a few weeks. Ask me how if you want a copy and I'll get the talks to you!
• Lena [conveniently] naps at 10 and then again at 2, which is exactly when conference airs! So Lewis and I were baby-less and able to snuggle (almost) the whole time.
• Alex, Kim, Brannon and Emily came over for dinner. And we ate our fair share of burgers, chips, vegetables (I'm trying to teach myself to like more veggies), and banana bread.

Mary, the mother of Christ

In September, I started reading Jesus the Christ, written by James E. Talmage. Thanks to baby naps (when she takes them), I finally finished in the middle of November. I grew so much while I read it. Talmage writes with such superiority and knowledge that I have to read and re-read pages, paragraphs and even sentences multiple times, just so I can understand it all.

Given that it is the Christmas season, I made it a goal to research more about Mary, since we don't know a lot about her from the scriptures. She had to be a remarkable woman to take on the rearing of Jesus the Christ. From the little that is written about her, we are able to learn about the woman that she really was.

photo by Liz Lemon-Swindle

In his book, Talmage talks about Mary's reaction to the news when she is told that she will be the mother of the Son of God. Immediately, she accepts it. Instead of asking, "why me?" or "are you sure?" she says, "OK, I believe you, but how since I'm not married yet." And that's when the miracle was made known to her - that she would conceive through the power of the Holy Ghost.

Gabriel keeps talking to her about the things that she'll be doing and before he leaves her she tells him: "Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word."

What faith! I've talked to Lewis about how I've always wanted to be more like Mary. About a year ago, I was going through family history and discovered that my line goes back to the Savior. I'm related to Mary, the mother of Jesus. And I was shocked (and really excited!).

In my mind, she's such a humble, meek and willing child of God. She's willing to do anything that the Lord wants, which is evident by her response when Gabriel told her who she was meant to be. Talmage describes Mary, in Jesus the Christ, as a "stainless mother and wife." In a song I heard sung last Christmas, the lyrics describe Mary as strong but frail, blameless and pure.

I think all of those descriptions are accurate. She's humble, submissive, stainless, strong, pure and frail. And faithful. She had such great faith to be able to say, "Be it unto me" instead of, "I think you've got the wrong girl." Because I'm sure that's what I would have said.

Robert J. Matthews gave a talk about Mary and Joseph, in which he quotes Bruce R. McConkie:

"As there is only one Christ, so there is only one Mary. And as the Father chose the most noble and righteous of all his spirit sons to come into mortality as his Only Begotten in the flesh, so we may confidently conclude that he selected the most worthy and spiritually talented of all his spirit daughters to be the mortal mother of his Eternal Son."

I loved this quote. How true it is. Mary had to be one of strongest and purest of all the spirit children to take on what great role she had. Because while I'm sure Christ received instruction from His Heavenly Father, Mary was the one providing the love, safety, and learning in the home, which is one of the most important jobs we could have.

In Jesus the Christ, Talmage goes into describing more about Mary's reaction to the birth of her son and the appearance of the shepherds. In Luke 2:19, it is made clear that Mary spends time thinking about all that is happening around her. According to the scripture, she pondered in her heart all the events that were taking place.

She probably had no idea what was going to happen to her little boy. All that He would have to go through. And all that He would suffer, by His own will. It reminds me of that song, Mary, Did You Know?

He was the Son of God, but still her little baby through it all. What knowledge she had to possess to be able to teach Him and train Him. What strength she had to have, both emotionally and spiritually, as she worked to raise the Son of God. And then to watch Him sacrifice Himself in such a way to save us all.

I can't wait to meet her.

photo challenge day 30

Faceless self-portrait.

This one was hard for me. At the beginning of the month, I tried to think of what part of my body I would take a picture of that could be a self-portrait. Then I started thinking about how I can just take a picture of all the things that tell who I am and what I like:

• I'm a piano player. I realized now I should have taken the picture on the piano. Would have been cool. I've had the green Claude Debussy book for probably 10 or 12 years now. The movie music book is just another one of my favorites.
• I'm a Mormon. I read through that copy of the BoM with 4 different color high-lighters marking 4 different things. It really changed the way I saw the BoM. I highly recommend doing it if you get a chance:
• Any of Christ's names
• Any attribute of Christ
• Any doctrine and/or principle of the atonement
• Any of Christ's words
• I love to read. The Lord of the Rings are some of my favorite books and movies.
• I'm a wife. Had to include my wedding rings.
• I'm a mom (and just a family person all around) who now studies facial expressions and body language instead of textbooks and powerpoints. Love my vera bradley diaper bag.
• Chips and queso is my favorite go-to snack.
• I never go anywhere without my water bottle.
• Slippers are my favorite things to wear. Especially because my toes are always cold.
• And I put in the cook book because I love to make things. I'd rather bake than cook but you can't eat treats for every meal.

And now I'm officially done with my 30 day photo challenge! It kind of helped me to learn how to better use my camera, but I've still got a long way to go. Glad that I'm still able to learn even though I'm not getting a formal education in school anymore.

the "kara" way

Recently I've been thinking a lot about why I blog, journal, and all the other ways I keep memories close by. I have so many journals and scrap books lying around the house (Lewis loves me taking up so much space. Note the sarcasm). Today, I was doing some research on journaling and came across an article about the importance of keeping a journal.

We're first meant to keep a journal because it's a commandment. It made me think about a scripture I read in the Book of Mormon where one of the prophets (wish I could remember who it was) tells his people or his family about how important it is that we continuously write things down so that we can remember them and grow from them.

I found a lot of quotes by President Kimball about all the reasons why and when we should journal, and what we should journal about:

WHY:  "Those who keep a personal journal are more likely to keep the Lord in remembrance in their daily lives. [...] People often use the excuse that their lives are uneventful and nobody would be interested in what they have done. But I promise you that if you will keep your journals and records, they will indeed be a source of great inspiration to your families, to your children, your grandchildren, and others, on through the generations. Each of us is important to those who are near and dear to us—and as our posterity read of our life's experiences, they, too, will come to know and love us. And in that glorious day when our families are together in the eternities, we will already be acquainted."
WHEN: "Your story should be written now while it is fresh and while the true details are available. [...] Begin today."
WHAT:  "Your private journal should record the way you face up to challenges that beset you. Do not suppose life changes so much that your experiences will not be interesting to your posterity. Experiences of work, relations with people, and an awareness of the rightness and wrongness of actions will always be relevant. [...] Write your goings and your comings, your deeper thoughts, your achievements, and your failures, your associations and your triumphs, your impressions and your testimonies. [...] Your journal should contain your true self rather than a picture of you when you are 'made up' for a public performance [...] The truth should be told.

Love all that he says. I think that journaling is so so important. I've not always been the best at it, but I believe of it's importance. If the people of the early Americas didn't journal, we wouldn't have the Book of Mormon. If people in Christ's day didn't journal, we wouldn't know anything about His life. Nothing! He'd by a stranger to us all.

Thank goodness for jouraling.

Then, I found another article how how we can journal.

HOW: Notebooks, blogs, letters, emails, scrapbooking, media sources, spiritual or gratitude journal, study journal, meeting journal, calendars, additional embellishments.

This got me thinking about how our life is so easy to journal now. Much easier than before technology became as big as it is. A few years ago, I went to a Sunday School class they were teaching about journaling. It was a one week thing but the girl who taught it said she journals "the Amanda way."

Well, I journal "the Kara way."

When I realized that I could export my blog entries and eventually print them out into a bound book, I kind of turned my blog into my picture journal. Now that I'm at home instead of working or at school, there isn't a lot to write about. Every day is kind of the same. Wake up. Shower. Feed Lena. Eat (if I can). Play with Lena. Put Lena to sleep. Clean the house. Repeat. Not a lot to document that I feel like I can put down in writing. So my blog became my picture journal. To remember all the beautiful moments that Lena, Lewis and I share. Along with our other family members and friends. And I like that I'm able to keep in touch with my family and friends who live far away from us. This way, they don't miss out on that much of our lives.

My personal journal is kept on ldsjournal.com. I was hesitant at first to start journaling online. I love the idea of hand-written pages so that my family can see my handwriting and touch the same pages that I wrote on. But my mind moves a lot faster than my hand. And I wasn't writing as much in my journal because it just wasn't as easy until I moved online. And I love it. I write everything in it. Lewis says that reading it is like listening to me speak. I write about trials, happy times, decisions, struggles, emotions, memories, and so much more. It's free to have an account, and you only have to pay when you want to print the book. I've only printed it once, and was very pleased. Now I have a physical journal to carry around with me.

My additional embellishments journal is my old hand-written journal. If I ever do anything fun (like go see a concert, go to a movie, etc) and it comes with a ticket or reminder of some sort, I tape it into that journal. The journal is full of fun memories, the tag that I wore when I went through the temple for my first time and the tags that Lewis and I wore on our wedding day.

I use shutterfly as my scrapbooking place right now. Soon, I want to buy a program that I can have on my computer to make digital scrapbooks, but right now, I lean on shutterfly. It has served me well.

Instagram is my "this is a fun moment / Lena is so cute. I want to brag about this moment" journal. I save all my instagram pictures separately on my computer.

I have a journal where I record God's daily hand in my life. It's essentially my spiritual/upliftment journal. I try to record at least one thing a day where I see that God has truly helped me.

When Lewis ever writes me a note, I save it in a binder. I guess you could call that my love journal. It's fun to look back and see all the letters we've written to each other throughout the years.

I know there's always room for improvement, but I do a lot of journaling already. Here's to journaling for the rest of my life :)

photo challenge day 8

Something from a distance.

Provo Mormon Temple

When I was talking about this with my mom, I remember asking her how to make something the focal point of the picture when you're taking the picture from far away. I hope I did OK. The second picture isn't as much from a distance as the first picture it. But I still took it.

Still practicing exposure and all that jazz. Slowly getting the hang of things.

gratitude

One thing I learned today during general conference was this: make the decision now to be happy.

When we look back at our lives 5, 10, or even 15 years down the road, will we be happier because we suddenly have more things? A bigger house, better cars, nicer computers, bigger TVs, air conditioning, a dish washer, a washer and drier, and I could keep on going.

Today I was talking with Lewis about this. Sure, an air conditioner would be oh so heavenly. But would it really make me happier? Sure, it'd be refreshing, but then I'd probably complain about the electricity bill being much higher than it is here in our AC-less place.

A few weeks ago, Lena and I took a rather long walk. I walked past a house whose garage was open and both cars were parked out in the drive-way. The garage was full of stuff. Completely FULL! Stacked up against all the walls and laying all over the ground. And I kept thinking - Lewis and I have everything that we could need or want right now [besides the air conditioning... kidding] in our tiny, two bedroom, storage-less apartment. We're happy living on nothing [except love - come on, people]. And it got me thinking - I never want to just have stuff. Just because there's room to suddenly store it.

5, 10, or 15 years down the road, I want to look back at my life now and remember how truly happy we are. With very little. We don't have a lot of stuff.

- Two frying pans, two pots, two 9x13 casserole dishes, two cutting boards. And we could easily get by on only having one.
- Five tall glasses, 4 small glasses, 10 big plates, 8 small plates, and lots and lots of utensils. And we don't have a dish washer. What are we doing with 18 plates?! We do dishes after every meal! Crazy. See, we could still easily get by on much less.

After meditating this afternoon once conference was over, I started thinking about how grateful I am for all that I don't have.

I'm grateful for my AC-less, dish washer-less, and washer and drier-less apartment.
I'm grateful for the storage that we do not have, forcing us to sell and give away the things that we just don't have room for.
I'm grateful for the 1 square inch of counter space in my kitchen and the fact that I don't have a pantry but just have to stuff everything above the fridge.
I'm grateful for the sometimes long walk to the laundry mat (depending on how much I'm carrying) because it gets me out of the house when usually, I'm there all day with Lena.

On the other hand, I'm truly, truly grateful for the things I do have:
Our AC unit.
The few dishes we do have.
A working fridge.
A loving husband.
Laughs and smiles from the most adorable baby.
A stroller that lets me go on nice long walks with the tiny child who now takes up all my time.
Loving, sacrificing parents and parents-in-law.
Easy means of communication so we can talk to those parents and parents-in-law.
My blender so I can make the smoothies I crave daily.
Books that take up way too much room in our already tiny apartment.
The disney movies that Lewis thinks take up too much room. But I just love disney, so sorry, honey, they're not going anywhere :)

I could list a lot more things, but this post is already really long. When Lewis and I leave Utah and maybe have a bigger place, we're not going to know what to do with ourselves!

Actually, I've already planned what I'm doing with more counter space - I'm buying a kitchen aid.

But now I'm thinking about it again. I get along just fine with my hand mixers! So why buy a kitchen aid when I'm perfectly happy and content now? The kitchen aid won't make me happier. But it sure is convenient! Ok, sorry. Tangent over.

Thanks general conference for reminding me how happy I am in my tiny, little life with Lewis and Lena.

Sure love them.

Being a mom

I've become a new person since May 30. Being a mother makes you take on a whole new personality. This is a little bit of who I've become over the last 3 months:

• Ballet dancer - when I have to tiptoe out of her room without heard after I've helped her fall asleep
• Ghost - when I crawl into her room and stick my hands through the slots in her crib to put her pacifier back in her mouth without her seeing me
• Nurse - when she's sick and needs to be taken care of or when she needs her daily medicine
• Milk man (or woman) - when she needs to be fed
• Teacher - when I teach her new things about herself or about the world around her. Her curious face is really cute

• Juggler - when I'm trying to hold her in my arms, support her head, carry her things with us all around the house and keep her pacifier in her mouth. All at the same time
• Magician - when I trick her into thinking she's being swaddled by only wrapping one arm or fed by having her suck on a pacifier
• Friend - when she needs and wants to play

• Researcher - when I'm figuring out new ways for her to eat, sleep or play when her usual routine just isn't working out as well
• Translator - when I try to figure out what her different, little cries and noises mean
• Comedian - when I make funny faces or sounds to try to bring out a smile or laugh

• Singer - when I sing her songs at night before bath time
• Rocking chair - when she needs a little help falling asleep
• Maid - when she needs to be cleaned after a bad spit up or dirty diaper
• Guardian - when she needs a little comfort after getting scared and startled
• Match-maker - when I introduce her to all the boys her age (and the older ones, too. Because every girl loves an older boy)
• Physical therapist - when I make her do tummy time to strengthen her neck, arms and back; when I stand her up to strengthen her feet and little legs; when I try to get her to talk back so she'll strengthen those vocal chords; when I try to help her grab onto toys to get those arm and hand muscles strong.

• Zombie - when I live off 4 hours (or less) of sleep
• Historian - when I document every part of her life. Document it all so well, I have hundreds of pictures of the same face, the same activities, the same smiles and all in the same places because I don't want to accidentally miss anything new

And most importantly, I've become:

• A mother - when I'm giving her as much love and attention as I know how, taking on all the roles that just need to be filled so little Lena can grow up in a home not so very different from the one she left. I have the opportunity to rely even more on my Heavenly Father to help me do this work to raise His children. And I have the opportunity to rely on my Savior, as well, to help me get through the hard days and nights. This is a special time in my life when I'm able to "cherish that role that is uniquely [mine]," and partner with Heavenly Father as he helps me raise Lena to be the girl she needs to be.

Heaven

So, either Lena sleeps too much or I read way too fast because I finished another book yesterday.

And once again, it was amazing. It was a touching story about Stephanie Nielson who, about 4 years ago, was in a terrible plane accident where over 80% of her body was burned. This is a story about her life before the accident, how she met  her husband, the accident itself, and then her recovery. She talks a lot about God and how He helped her, and is still helping her, through this trial of hers. She shares her experience re-learning how to be a wife and mother. And how all the things she had took for granted before were now things she looked forward to - like laundry. How often am I really grateful to have hands that are capable of doing laundry? Usually never.

This book got me thinking about the short time I spent in the hospital after I was in a serious car accident a few years ago. My wounds were not even remotely close to Stephanie's, but God was still highly involved in my healing process. I don't remember a lot about what happened while I was in the hospital, but when I got home and continued to heal, I remember being very close to my Heavenly Father and Savior as I prayed for his help to overcome the trial I had found myself in. And how grateful I am for all His help.

This book is truly a testament to how real God is, and how willing and able He is to help us when we really need Him. If anyone needs a reminder of how anything is possible, especially with God's help, this is a book you'll want to read. It's a touching story of how a family was able to grow closer together as they went through one of the hardest parts of their lives.

Pioneer

Pioneer: (noun)

1) a person who is among those who first enter or settle a region; 

2) one who is first or among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise, or progress

Today, as we celebrate pioneer day, we think about and remember those who came across on the plains many years ago and first settled Salt Lake City. While we spend time remembering those who sacrificed to come here, I went back through my family history and found the pioneers in my own family.

I found those who match the first definition of pioneer - a person who is among those who first enter or settle a region.

• Martina Concordia Peterson Madsen
• Carl Nilsson Rosberg and Helena Jonsson Eriksson. Helena and her husband Carl came to America from Sweden by boat in 1858 a few months after their twins were born. They arrived in New York and took a train to Missouri to meet up with the saints. As they arrived in Missouri, they were attacked by a mob and almost drowned. They were counseled by Brigham Young to go to Utah, getting there by handcart.

There are also a number of people in my family who match the second definition of pioneer: one who is first or among the earliest in any field of inquiry, enterprise, or progress

• Hans Olson Magleby - baptized in 1855
• Jens Larson Jenson - baptized in 1855
• James Hooper  - baptized in 1868
• James Hayes Hooper - baptized in 1870
• ELizabeth Naomi Parker Hooper - baptized in 1870
• Lena Cecilia Wallin - baptized in 1901
• Richard Wesley McAllister - baptized in 1861
• Thomas Chamberlain - baptized in 1845

Most of my ancestors have been members of the church for quite a while. If we go back far enough in my family history line, I am able to find lots of family members who made the sacrifice to join the church. But, in Lewis's family history, the pioneers are much closer.

• Eugene Vernon Goodrum Jr (Lewis's grandfather) - baptized in 1961
• Margaret Sue Pool (Lewis's grandmother) - baptized in 1960
• Lou Goodrum (Lewis's father)
• Lani Goodrum (Lewis's mother)

I don't know when Lou and Lani were baptized, but they took the first steps in their family to become pioneers and become the first to join the church. Lou's entire family took those first steps. Lani was the only one in her family to make the change.

How grateful I am for the sacrifices that these individuals made many years ago to become members of this gospel and to leave their homes and travel to Salt Lake to join with the rest of the saints. And I'm grateful for the current pioneers that exist in my life and the fact that I can be a pioneer in my own family. A few weeks ago at church, our bishop talked about making the sacrifice to be pioneers in our own families, even though we're all already members of the church. But, to be pioneers, we can make certain changes in our lives to be better than we were before. We can "be the first in any field of progress," making positive changes in our families that can continue to be passed on.

Car accident

Three years ago today I was involved in a car accident that almost took my life. I was driving on I-15 toward the airport to catch a plane home to visit my family and see a cubs game. I don't remember any part of the accident but witnesses told police I was cut off from my left side. To avoid an accident, I merged to the lane to my right only to be rear ended by a semi truck.

poor little Miko

When the hospital discovered who I was, they called my mom and told her to get to Utah as fast as she could - I wasn't in very good condition. My brain was bruised and bleeding. If it didn't stop soon, they were going to have to cut my skull open to give my brain room to continue swelling. Luckily, that didn't have to happen.

I spent a few days in the ICU and then about a week in another floor of the hospital trying to recover before I was discharged to the hospital in Provo to begin a few weeks of rehab.

It's been three years and I still haven't had the courage to take the pictures of the accident off my computer. I keep them there as a reminder. So I don't forget. As I look back on this experience, I realize how truly lucky and blessed I was. Not a lot of people recover as quickly or as well as I did. I have a good family friend currently going through a very similar situation to what I had. She is making remarkable progress but is still in the hospital trying to learn, grow and recover from her brain injury. The Lord is truly on her side in helping her take large steps of improvement.

I don't remember most (or any) of my time in the hospitals but I do remember one doctor appointment I had towards the end of my time there when the doctor said he didn't know why I was healing so fast. And three years later, I still don't know why my time in the hospital was so short.

Ironically, I look back and am actually grateful for this experience. While I did lose my precious car, Miko, I'm glad that the lord trusted me enough to have this trial. There was so much that I learned in the hospital and as I went home to recover. In no particular order, here's what I learned from this trial:

• I learned how many people really loved and cared about me and my family. There were people all over the nation who were praying and fasting for me and my family. How grateful I am for their love and concern. Without those prayers and constant thoughts and well-wishes, I don't think I would be where I am.
• I learned how much my family truly, honestly cares about me. My mom flew out to Utah as soon as she heard. She found a plane coming to Utah that night, and she made sure that she was on it. My dad came out early the next morning. When Todd found out, he had just landed in Dallas, returning from a business trip. As he heard the news of my situation, he turned around without even leaving the airport (or picking up his bag from the baggage claim), bought a ticket to come to Utah and flew here with nothing but the clothes on his back. Clark and Alicia, my family living here in Utah, were at the hospital as often as their schedules would allow. Even with me yelling, screaming, and telling Clark that he didn't know what he was talking about when it came to medicine (I don't remember any of this), they still came to support me. And Steven was there, too. He came out with my dad one of the times my dad flew out. I don't remember how many times my dad came out, but Steven was right by his side during one those trips.
• I learned how much Lewis, my boyfriend of 10 days at that point, cared about me. He drove to the hospital almost every day. Even though it was an hour a way from him and he was still in school and working part time. And even though he wasn't sure if I'd even remember who he was. But he was there through it all. Apparently, one time he came and I asked him for a kiss before he left. And according to my mom, I was always in a better mood when Lewis either called or stopped by.
• I learned once again of the power of the atonement. As I went through all the pain of trying to recover, I had to keep reminding myself that Christ had already felt all of this. He had suffered for this accident. He knew what my constant headaches felt like. He knew of my inability and pain to sit up on my own. He knew of the burden I felt to my friends and family as I went home and tried to live a normal life again. He had felt it all. And I knew I could rely on Him to get my through this trial.
• I learned, also, of the power of fasting and prayer. There were hundreds (maybe) of people, like I already mentioned, who were praying and fasting for me. God heard and answered those prayers. He helped heal me quickly than I probably deserved. But those prayers were answered and I was given another opportunity to enjoy and (hopefully) appreciate life.

There were many times after the accident (and still now) that I wonder: 

why?

Why did this have to happen? And why did it have to happen to me. When I drive on the freeway, I'm still afraid to drive next to semi trucks. I had constant headaches everyday for about a year. My short-term memory had been affected and it was affecting my ability to do well in school. So why did this have to happen?

I still don't think I know why this happened. I don't know what it's ultimate purpose was. But I hope that I remember those large lessons that truly made an impact in my life: that I'm loved beyond anything I can imagine. That the atonement, prayer, and fasting are real. Heavenly Father and Christ are truly on our side and looking out for us, no matter what situation we're in. And even if I hadn't healed as fast or as well, I know that they would still have been on my side, cheering for me to continue to get better.

And this life is something that we should never take for granted. We've been blessed more than we know. There's beauty all around us, beauty that we should always be aware of. There's beauty in life, love, nature, laughter. And even beauty in the trials that we face. For it's truly in those trials, when we reach for our Savior's hand, that the veil is as thin as it could be. And we can feel the love of our Heavenly Father and Savior. And we can feel their arms around us.

So while I'm still facing the side-effects of this trial, I'm grateful that it happened. I hope to see the answer to the "WHY" as my life continues. But maybe the answer is just so I would learn those lessons. And each year, I look back and remember, and hopefully continue to learn.

with my dad

with Toby, the dog they sent in to help with emotional stability of the patients in ICU

with Lewis

my mom, stealing my bed. there with me every day for weeks

clark, alicia and grandma

lewis, helping me with rehab

Lena's name

While doing family history, the name Lena always caught my attention. I've always thought that it was beautiful and wanted to use it for one of my girls. As my Lena's birth approached, I knew that the name Lena had been in my family, but I couldn't remember where it belonged in my family line. A few weeks before Lena was born, Lewis and I were at my grandparent's house celebrating mother's day and my grandpa's birthday. My cousins were asking me what names we liked and I mentioned Lena. It was then that my grandpa said, "that was my grandmother's name."

Lena's presence in our family line was closer than I thought. That day, I went home, logged into my family history account, found Lena's information and tried to do some research on Lena Cecilia Wallin. There was nothing on google. Or ancestry.com. I was starting to get discouraged.

Then I remembered that my grandmother is an avid historian, and she had just given me a binder full of stories from her's and my grandfather's family history. So I pulled it open and began digging through until I found the recap of her life. My grandmother typed up and saved a personal history written by Lena herself.

She wrote of special experiences in her life that had stuck out to her:

• tracing through the snow to get home
• trying to care for a wounded blue jay her father had given her
• getting up early in the summer time to go pick berries
• gathering and roasting nuts by the fire with her family
• avoiding the animals around her house that she and her siblings were afraid of: wolves, snakes, and owls
• working the the fields planting potatoes, corn, and pumpkin
• going boating with friends at White Bear Lake in Minnesota
• lots of spiritual experiences where she felt she had been led by the spirit of Heavenly Father

Then she told of significant life events:

• Her parents came to America from Sweden and lived in Rockford, Illinois. They met and were married in 1870. Lena was born in 1871
• When Lena was 13 years old, her mother passed away from cancer
• She moved to the city to work in a knitting factory trying to help raise money for her family
• Eventually, she found work in a shoe factory in Omaha during the great depression
• On December 31, 1895, she married my great-grandfather, Magnus A. Herlin.
• They didn't have much money and she said, "we were happy, the hard times were still with us."
• Two years after they were married, Magnus contracted typhoid and died, leaving her alone with their two young children
• She moved back to Rockford to be near family.
• While there, her 6 month old baby, Floyd Anton, died in 1898.
• She and her other son, Mauritz Arnold, moved to Dixon so Lena could work in another shoe factory
• In Dixon, she met missionaries for our church
• On June 25, 1901, Lena and her sister, Ella were baptized in the Mississippi River
• In 1913, she made the trek to Salt Lake City
• She did temple work and was a relief society teacher in her ward
• She sewed in the Red Cross during World War I
• Eventually, she lost her hearing and had to stop volunteering where she was able. She couldn't hear what was being said at her church meetings

She sounded like an amazing lady, who went through a lot of trials but still managed to have a positive attitude throughout it all. My Lena wasn't named after this Lena. We liked the name Lena so that's why we decided to use it. But I am glad that another woman who shared her name was such a wonderful example.

baby blessing

A couple weeks ago, we were able to give baby Lena her blessing at church. I am glad that I didn't have to go out and find a dress to Lena to wear during her blessing. She was able to wear the dress that I wore in my blessing 23 years ago. I thought that was really special. Maybe her daughters will be able to wear it, too. Plus, the hat had a bonnet that came with it, and she looked so adorable in it! I was a happy momma.


Most of our family members were all able to fly in for the event. We missed having Todd, and Eric and Anne-Marie's family. But I think it was special to have all those who came. We had a lot of family members in the circle:

• Lewis
• Lou
• Alex
• Dad
• Grandpa Herlin
• Clark
• Steve

It was a beautiful blessing. It was a special moment that Lewis and I were able to share together. And a special moment we were able to share with our siblings, parents, and grandparents.

the cute little bonnet!

happy family

with our parents

4 generations on the Herlin side

4 generations on the McAllister side

us and my parents

conference weekend

So my little brother came home from his mission a few weeks ago, so my parents decided it would be fun to have the family together for conference. First time in 2 years that we were all together, and how fun it was! I got to see Steve on Thursday night at a family dinner we had right at Steve pulled up at the house. I went to give him a hug and guess what was the first thing he said to me:

"You got fat."

Thanks, Steve. Baby does make the belly get bigger. Then, when Todd flew in and I went to give him a hug, here's what he said:

"I haven't seen you with your extra lump."

Boys will be boys, I guess. But I love my brothers. Twas definitely a fun weekend getting on each other's nerves.

Here's our weekend through pictures (very, very few pictures):

All the boys sitting as close as possible to watch the game. This picture was not planned, by the way

Spending time out by the fire. Dad wanted to roast marshmallows

Walked in on Lewis looking like this. Conference was really entertaining. Notice that there is one pillow under each appendage. And one under his head and behind his back. High maintenance. But I love him

And then Lewis showed me this article. Before the final 4 playoff game. Naturally, I was excited

But this actually happened. Which made me officially lose my bracket. Ahead the whole time, only to lose it at the end. Thanks Ohio.

All in all, it was a really fun weekend. It is so fun to have Steve back and to be able to spend time with him (even though he thinks I'm fat)!